Today I was interpreting for someone who was having trouble with her eyes. This is a huge concern for anyone, but even more so for someone who is Deaf.
I’ve met quite a few Deaf/blind people, and I have to say, they are among the most impressive people I have ever known.
But for someone who’s been Deaf all their life to suddenly lose their sight, it can be quite devastating.
During the exam she had to expose herself to tests that took away her already poor sight and made her virtually blind. She kept asking me to come closer and closer as if she wanted me so close that she could mold me into her own eyes and replace them within her own.
She didn’t like this vulnerability. I can’t say that I blame her. She had no control of her outside world and any information that it was trying to communicate with her.
She grabbed my hand to feel the signs I was using. She wasn’t terrified, but she was definitely trying to take control.
I wanted to reassure her that everything was ok; that she was safe. I didn’t. Although it would have been very compassionate of me, it wouldn’t have been professional.
The most I could offer her was remaining calm, getting as close to her as I possibly could, and letting her feel my presence.
By the time we had left the office, she had regained enough of her vision back to feel in control again and safe.
I left her, feeling confident that she no longer needed my services but she hasn’t left my mind all day.
On a physical level, I can’t possibly pretend to say I understand how she felt. It would be insulting if I did.
To be somewhere in between, being physically somewhere but completely disconnected to the environment around me. It would have to be terrifying.
Imagine the amount of trust one must have. Trust that even when you are not in control, that someone else is. Trust that no harm will come to you in a vulnerable state.
The amount of confidence one must have to maintain any quality of life. Confidence that would overcome your fear to get up everyday and move. To see what kind of impact you can make, in a world that you are disconnected from.
Perseverance. How much perseverance you must have to try and try and try again. To develop the mindset of not giving up but of endlessly trying something one more time; learning how to do something differently.
Physically, I can only imagine, however, spiritual I can say I have felt this deprivation.
I have felt disconnected from my world. I have felt out of control. I have felt vulnerable. And I have felt the need to reach out to find peace.
I live in a world that doesn’t make much sense to me. I don’t understand it’s hate. I don’t understand it’s greed. I don’t understand it’s motive. I feel very much, lost, somewhere in between; in between this world and the world of my Father.
Lord, I want to trust in you. Trust that although I am not in control, you still are. Trust that you will keep me safe when I am vulnerable.
I want to shine your light. Give me your confidence that even though I don’t understand this world I live in, I can still relate to it. I still have purpose. I can impact it not because of my confidence, but with confidence.
Perseverance. This world is pretty brutal. I get knocked down quite a bit. I have bumps and bruises and even scars but I ask for strength to go on. Because you have asked me too. I have been sent on mission. Your mission of love in this world of hate.
Thank you for remaining calm when I feel out of control. Come close to me. May I share the eyes of your son so I may see you.
Let me feel your hands and bring me peace. I take comfort in your presence.
Lord, I am deaf and blind. Your Word says Jesus came so I might see (John 9:39).
Make these eyes of mine, see and my ears hear. All for your glory, in my spiritual blindness I say, amen.