Our Village Had a Meeting

So, Mike and I were driving Justice to his dad’s when we pulled into a Carl’s Jr joint. He asked solemnly, “What’s going on?”

“We’re meeting your dad and step mom here.”

Silence

I can imagine what is going through his head. Oh crap! Or something stronger.

He had to know this was coming.

After living with his dad, full time for the past month, it was suggested that maybe it was time for him to come back with me half time, again.

Living in a blended family is messy. And even though there are a lot of them out there, there’s not a lot information on how to do it right.

That’s the hard part. Knowing you can’t have your child growing up in a traditional family unit, but still wanting him to feel all the security and benefits, as if he had.

Blending families are hard. And they’re messy. And they’re complicated. And from what I’ve seen it in the rest of the world, seldom make it.

He was sent to his dad’s, by me, because he had another meltdown. He convinced his doctor to reduce one of his meds against my better judgment. I had told him then and there, it was fine, but if he had even something that looked like a meltdown, he wasn’t going to be allowed to stay in my house anymore. His reign of terror had ended almost a year prior, and I wasn’t about to let it come back.

We’ll, it came back and he was sent to his dad’s, much to his delight. He’s been wanting to live with his dad full time, for awhile. It was suggested he did it on purpose. It doesn’t matter. He was gone.

That was five and a half weeks ago.

His step mom and I have been talking. It’s so nice to be able to do that. I can’t handle talking to his dad. Too many hurt feelings. To many trust issues.

It’s not always easy between the two of us. We disagree on a lot of stuff. But often I feel we unofficially agree to disagree. I think we sometimes hurt each other’s feelings, but we don’t hold grudges. We let them go.

Obviously this is just my side of the story, but I think she would agree this works. I’m so grateful it does. You know, for our kids sake. We can somewhat give them a united front.

A combination of things have lead us up to this meeting. Finding out he has Pyrrole Disorder that can explain his meltdowns and has a treatment to alleviate them, is huge.

However, it was Justice’ inability to decide if he wanted to come back without changing his mind that warranted a sit down with everyone.

He had told his dad he wanted to stay. He had told his step mom he wanted to come back. He had told me he wanted to come back. Then told his doctor he wanted to stay and as soon as we got back in the truck, he told me he wanted to come back!

Yeah, he had to know this assembly was coming.

Can I tell you how nice this gathering was? It wasn’t a bashing of Justice. No intimidation. No cornering. At least I hope not.

No criticizing the other parent. No egos were bruised. No arguments, or disagreements.

We were all able to express our concerns, listen to him, and be a family or a village. Whatever it takes.

Justice is coming home. Do I think it’s going to be smooth? Ummm, no. Do I think he’s going to change and suddenly be the easy kid? Ah, no. Do I think the four of us are providing him with as much security and benefits as a traditional family? I feel we’re heading in the right direction.

I am encouraged. I have hope. I feel blessed.

Thank you Jesus for helping us blend this mess.