A Dark Place With Hope

This past weekend I made arrangements for one of my sons to live with his dad.

It is breaking my heart.

We’ve all been jolted awake from our dream of being “normal.”

After 11 months of no yelling, threatening, pushing, throwing, or hitting, my son had found himself unable to control himself and had a meltdown.

Two months ago, his doctor agreed to slowly take him off his meds. I was very adamant and perfectly clear, if he had even one meltdown, he would not be allowed to live in my house. I was not going to let him terrorize this family again.

I feel like I’ve lost my little boy. But today in church, I’ve been reminded of another little boy who’s birth brings hope.

I am reminded that His death brought victory. And even though I feel I’m in a dark place, I have to remember the war has already been won. Jesus wins.

So when I find myself missing my son, I need to be reminded that this is all temporary. He is not really lost. He has been saved.

My husband tells me I have to let this happen. He tells me to let go. Have faith. Let my son see the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Let his father see this really isn’t a parenting issue.

So, I’m stepping out in faith. And instead of asking God for everything I want, I’m asking for everything to go as He plans.

Dear Heavenly Father,
Build my faith. May it be strong enough to carry me through this valley. May it chase away a mother’s fear. May it keep me bold. May it reveal the truth. May it give me hope. In Your son’s name, may it keep mine safe.

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