This morning, one of my beautiful friends sent me a touching devotional on faith and commented that I could have written it.
As I read it, I nearly started to cry as the words started convicting my heart.
I’M A FRAUD!
Which, by the way, all Christians are. So no, I don’t feel I’m bashing myself.
I am acknowledging my humanity. Knowing your imperfections keeps you from thinking too highly of yourself. Us, Christians, know a whole lot of stuff, but fail just the same.
I’ve mentioned before about the sleeping mats for those who are homeless. I didn’t think I could make one mat but then when my girlfriend suggested it, I suddenly thought we could do 20 for Christmas! I have faith, right?
Let me walk you through the thoughts I’ve had for the past month.
Well, there was the, Who’s going to help me do them so close to Christmas? They’re not going to get done.
Then there was the, Oh my gosh, my team isn’t talking to me so I have no idea if anyone has started making these things. They’re not going to get done.
Then the, Who has my bags? Someone is hijacking my bags! They’re not going to get done.
And finally the, NOBODY IS MAKING THESE THINGS! They’re not going to get done.
Therefore, I’ve made three of them myself and have started a fourth one, even after saying I wasn’t going to make any, and just focus on making the plarn.
I have not had faith. Dang it!
So when someone sent me something complementing me on my faith, I start to wonder if I ever had faith.
This whole time I’ve been freaking out! I’ve been venting to my poor husband! I’ve been staying up every night for the past four weeks until ten, eleven, sometimes midnight cutting bags, looping bags, crocheting bags! Completely having NO FAITH at all!
To my team, I’M SORRY! I’m sorry for doubting your love for Jesus and YOUR faith. I have faith in you now!
To God, I’M SORRY! I’m sorry I felt you needed extra help and maybe even a plan. I know you already have 20 people in mind to receive these mats and fully intend to give them one.
As I write this, I’m still trying to figure this out.
Why? Why would I start this if I didn’t think it would get done?
Can you be faithful and not have faith?