The Struggle Is Real

My husband came home last night with a fitbit for me. Not because he’s expecting or demanding anything from me, but he’s known I’ve wanted one for awhile.

I’ve written about my weight issues that started off as more of a perspective issue but 35 years later, it has turned into a legit issue.

When I was pregnant with my daughter almost 10 years ago, I developed high blood pressure. It was the last month of my pregnancy and the last two weeks before she was born. My doctor wanted to deliver her.

There was no way I was going to do that. It would screw up my plan. I had my whole leave planned out, you know. Oh, no. She had to stay put, another two weeks.

Well, after a week on bed rest I said, “Get this kid out!”

Doctor reassured me, once she was delivered, despite being over 200lbs, my blood pressure would go down. Well, it didn’t.

I was on the blood pressure medicine for about a year before I decided it was time to come off. I stopped by meds without my doctors consent.

Do you know how dangerous this is??? How stupid?

I was off them for a year before I suddenly started getting random nose bleeds. And I’m talking about in the middle of working, all of a sudden, for no reason my nose would just start bleeding.

It would bleed for hours too. I couldn’t tell you how many times I freaked out and went to the emergency room for a nose bleed.

None of them took me seriously. I would wait for another two hours before I would be seen and then sent home with a clip on my nose, telling me it was nothing serious.

Yeah, my blood pressure was high, but they would say it was because my nose was bleeding.

I was finally able to get in to see my doctor, while my nose was bleeding and he determined my blood pressure wasn’t high because my nose was bleeding, but my nose was bleeding because my blood pressure was high!

In his exam room, he broke out some blood pressure medication and had me start taking them right there.

I never had another nose bleed. And I would never come off my meds again, until my doctor would say it was safe.

Four years later I decided I wanted to come off them again. But this time I knew to do so, I would have to address my “weight perspective issue” that had turned into a “actual weight issue”. That happens. If you believe something to be true, eventually, it is.

So I started to move more and eat less. It was…well a struggle, but I ended up losing 60lbs and after losing just 30 of it, my doctor took me off of my meds. And that only took me four months to lose.

First, he had me cut my med in half for a month and record my blood pressure everyday. I came back in to show him my numbers. Then I can’t remember if I had to take a half a pill every other day or if he had me stop them, but I still had to record my numbers every day and bring them in to him a month later.

My numbers looked great! I’ve been off my meds for three and a half years now!

But guess what. My weight that had been down 60lbs has almost gone back up 60lbs. I knew this day would happen. And yes, it is just as devastating as I thought it would be.

I’ve known for awhile if I didn’t get it under control again, I’d have to go back on my meds.

Now I don’t know if it’s because I’ve had a cold, but yesterday I blew my nose, and there was blood.

Now, every time my nose runs, I’m thinking it’s a nose bleed. Can you feel my paranoia?

So now I got a fitbit. Now it’s time to get serious again. So what does that look like? I have no idea. I still have Christmas to get through!

Ok, so here’s the thing. I’m going to track my journey (again) through twitter. Follow along if you’d like to join me. I won’t bore you here with it, unless something inspires me.

But I got to warn you. There won’t be anything sexy about it. I am going to be a baby about it. It’s gonna suck!

But I’m gonna do it. Because that’s what I do. I follow through. Plus, you’ll hold me accountable.

I don’t want to be on my meds. I don’t want my kids to be without a mom.

I want to be around to enjoy retirement with my husband. I want to model a healthy lifestyle for my family.


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