My Training Ground

I remember having so much fun with Tunes when he was little. I was completely surprised too. I really didn’t want to be a mom. I didn’t think I’d be any good at it.

I remember every evening I would get in trouble with his dad. Dinner was never made by the time he got home. Tunes and I would be sitting on the love seat playing video games. Well, he’d start the game and then beg me to get him to the next level.

Even though we were trying to have another baby, I remember being sad when I found out we were. I felt sad for Tunes. I had loved him for four years before his brother was born. How was I going to give him the same amount of love that he had been used too?

I was sad he was going to have to share his momma’s love.

It didn’t take long to learn that when you have another baby though, you don’t share your love. Your love grows. It grows each time, with each kid.

I never knew I could love so much! I love so much now, it sometimes hurts.

Like now.

Do you ever miss your kids, even when they’re sleeping in the next bedroom?

I do.

Tunes is going to be 18 in a few months and even though I know he’s not moving out right away, I still miss him.

It hasn’t been me and him for a long time. He’s so awesome. He made me become a mom.

God must have a HUGE ministry set up for me for when all the kids leave because after six kids, my little ol’ heart has grown A WHOLE LOT of love!

I just can’t fathom God growing all this love for it to one day be gone. My heart would break. It would collapse.

Remember the Shunem woman when she asked, “Did I ask you for a son, my lord? And didn’t I say, ‘Don’t deceive me and get my hopes up’?” – 2 Kings 4:28

I didn’t ask to be a mom. But there is nothing else I would rather be. I can’t believe God would give me this gift and then one day they would be gone.

One day my children will grow up and lead their own lives. Their lives; not an extension of mine own. I will need to discover God’s new path for me.

Much greater things are too come. I shouldn’t be sad for the change. This is not where God wanted to keep me.

Heavenly Father, tonight I ask that you take my sorrow and replace it with a glimpse of your plan and my future. I have faith that it is good and full of hope. I trust if I submit to you, you will make my path straight. Have your way. Amen

Jeremiah 29:11
Proverbs 3:6

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